Play: Two-Point Conversion

Locker room setting. A football player is sitting on a bench changing. A cheerleader walks in. She flirts.

CHEER: Great game, Jock!
JOCK: Thanks.
CHEER: They couldn’t stop you.
JOCK: No, they couldn’t.
CHEER: I mean, you threw for like four touchdowns and ran for three more.
JOCK (uninterested): That’s true.
The cheerleader tries to flirt more heavily.
CHEER: You know that uniform looks good on you.
JOCK (shrugs): Thanks for the compliment.
CHEER: Don’t get me wrong, I also think you look good without it on.
JOCK: Unfortunately, the rules state I must wear this outfit while playing.
JOCK: Nevermind.
CHEER: You know, I am single.
JOCK: No, I didn’t know.
CHEER: Well, I am.
JOCK: I am sure you’ll find someone some day.
The cheerleader stomps her foot.
CHEER: Listen, Jock, I am trying to flirt with you so we can engage in some sexual intercourse.
JOCK: I’m sorry, Cheer. I am not going to do that.
CHEER (upset): Why not?
JOCK: I am not going to fall into that cliche. I am sure everyone is expecting us to hook up, me, after my legendary performance, you, because of your well known promiscuity.
CHEER (humbly): It is well known.
JOCK: So right now you are in your cheerleader niche and I’m in my football niche. But I feel claustrophobic in that role. I want to expand my horizons. That’s why I want to be the class nerd for a while.
CHEER: What?
JOCK: Look at the great life a nerd leads: his pockers are always protected, his glasses are kickass, and his vocabulary is exquisite. That’s why I am going steady with Matilda now.
CHEER: The pimply band girl?
JOCK (dreamily): My little flutitist. If I am lucky tonight, I might get to first base. Wish me luck!
The Jock is now changed into a white dress shirt, messed-up tie and slacks. He goes off. Cheer remains there, dumbstruck.
CHEER: Oh woe is me. Has the world gone crazy? The social pyramid as it was previously constructed has become inverted. Popularity is truly fleeting. Hmm…I wonder what the captain of the chess team is up to now…


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