Play: Fishing for Compliments

Three guys on a boat in full fishing gear. They are on a peaceful pond.

BOB: So he said he wanted a Fuzzy Navel and he got laughed right out of that bar.
BOB and THORTON laugh. BILLY does not.
BILLY: I think I am going to jump off this boat.
BOB: Why?
THORTON: I mean, I know the fish ain’t biting, Billy, but that is no reason to kill yourself.
BILLY: Bob, Thorton, you know my wife just left me from my brother.
BOB: I thought it was your cousin?
BILLY: He’s that too! Then my dog got run over by a steamroller.
THORON: I still don’t know why the Engvalls were repaving their driveway. They live in a trailer!
BOB: Ever since they won those five bucks in the lottery, they’ve been very haughty taughty.
BILLY: My truck broke down.
BOB: Hey, you did get a good lease on it.
THORTON: Plus, your SUV is still in excellent condition.
BILLY: Then the country song I wrote about my wife and my dog and my truck only reached #2 on the charts. I only won two Grammys!
THORTON: You was robbed!
BILLY: So I think I should drown myself.
BOB: Come on now, Billy, Thorton is right. These problems are just temporary. It is like the great philosopher Nietzche said. Well, I don’t remember what he said, but you get my point.
BILLY: I’m sorry guys. Even though you have provided me with many reasons why I should live, I just don’t see it getting any better. Plus, my memoirs will rocket to the top of the New York Best Sellers List if I do this.
With that, BILLY steps off the boats and disappears.
BOB: That was depressing.
THORTON: Yeah…(THORTON notices BILLY’s line has caught something) Plus, he just caught something.
BOB: It’s mine! I call it!
The two argue over the pole as the curtain comes down.

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