Humor: How to Use a Death Ray

A death ray has a very simple point-and-click interface, but in case of confusion, follow the following instructions.

1. Think of someone or some place that has wronged you in the past.

2. Set up your death ray 100 yards away from your target. If you wish to destroy a football team, this means you need to be on the opposing end of the field.

3. Place finger on the trigger. Holding the death ray sideways will not increase its effectiveness, but it will make you look cooler.

4. Depress the trigger. Telling the trigger how you got to this point in your life usually does the trick.

5. Stand back and watch your enemies fall before you or the DMV disappear into cinder.


The death ray is not 100% efficient. Some people have a tendency to live after experiencing the ray. But do not give up. Try, try again.

Do not aim the death ray at any reflective surface like a mirror. Getting hit by your own ray is just plain embarassing.

Keep out of the reach of small children, because they are really vengeful SOBs.

Feel free to operate while on drugs. The ray beam actually looks pretty cool while intoxicated.

This weapon has been approved by the FDA: The Firing Death Association.


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