Humor: One Is The Funniest Number – More One Liners

I once fashioned a weapon out of documents and wet paste. I called it my paper machete

I once interviewed for a position in advertising but didn’t get the job because I didn’t sell myself enough.

What separates us from other animals are our opposable thumbdrives.

Baseball is America’s pastime. 11 PM is America’s usual bedtime.

Junk boats were originally made out of those magazines that come in the mail that you never want.

I love social networking. I am now ignoring more people than I ever thought possible!

When are they going to come up with glass-bottom cars?

I tried to sell my cold on Antique Roadshow, but they told me it was too common.

Any ball can be a stress ball. You just need these instructions: For use as a stress ball, add stress.

I live paycheck to paycheck. By which I mean I forget I am getting paid until I get that check.

A good defense is a great offense. A great offense is going up to someone and insulting their intelligence.

I do crunches every day to help with my abs. Unfortunately, “Crunches” is a chocolate bar and my abs are being helped turning into a belly.

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