Humor: Traveling Light – Observations as I Crossed The Country

As I have recently been traveling, I have a lot of things to say. Cause, y’know, being stuck in a two-foot wide seat where the cushion was last actually cushioning someone right around the time the Wright Brothers perfected flight leaves you with a lot of time to think. And stare out the window at some sort of land formation.

I was at an airport which called itself a “Sky Harbor.” Isn’t that an oxymoron? Can we start calling cruiseline ports “Sea Airports”? Train stations “Loco Roadways”? Highways “Car Tracks”? And this place wasn’t anywhere near any water. You are an air port. You have vehicles that move through the air and arrive at this location. Hence, air-port. Not sky harbor. The only thing you are harboring is my money has I pay 12 bucks for a Big Mac. Notice how I don’t name the location this airport. That way, this joke remains geographically independent. People could read this and understand it a thousand years from now when the plates have tectonically shifted and the airport can be in a new location. Where it may actually be in a harbor.

Most airlines allow you to check in 24 hours in advance. Which is convenient and all, but it has me thinking my vacation is ending a day earlier. I’m out, enjoying the sun, what times is it? WHAT? I gotta get back to my hotel so I can check in so I don’t have to worry about checking in tomorrow, when I am leaving. So I gotta leave to prepare for leaving. Wait till airlines allow you to check in for a flight a week in advance. I’d be prepping to return home before I even leave home. That’ll really be convenient.

I don’t know why I book early morning flights. Sure, I get to my destination early, but all I am going to enjoy for the next few hours is my hotel room as I take a nap. And why am I in such a big rush to get home that soon? “Man that vacation was tiring, I really need to get home and relax.” The plus side though of an early flight is you get to see everyone’s bed head. Your fellow passengers’, the flight crews’, the TSA security guards’. It is a really good way to detect any suspicious persons. If they have perfectly combed hair at 6:00 AM in the morning, you know they’ve been up all night planning something.

Why do I always seems to get the maid service that knows exactly when I am in and out of my room and then decides to clean my room when I just entered my room? Can I please get a door card that reads “Yes, now is the right time to clean this room”? But I am a nice person, I leave a tip for the maid service. I know how hard it is to clean up my messes. That’s why I never do. Plus, y’know, I can imagine it is a very frustrating job. I mean every morning it is the same thing: making that bed once again (can’t they sleep on the floor?), replacing those shampoos and soaps (how big is this guest?), and counting how many mini-alcohol bottles are left in the minifridge (one for you, two for me). It is the Mobius Strips of jobs.

Hotels now offer “Quick Checkouts” where they will slip your bill under the door for you to sign or allow you to check out via the TV or phone. Once they took that good luck at you when you checked in, they didn’t want to deal with you again. They want you to leave in the most nondistracting way. If there was a backdoor exit, they’d include that as a special “VIP Checkout” option.

I could write more, but my aero-boat is about to leave from the sky harbor.


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2 Responses to “Humor: Traveling Light – Observations as I Crossed The Country”

  1. mridecide Says:

    haha sky harbor …… true man.

  2. solar panels Says:

    solar panels…

    […]Humor: Traveling Light – Observations as I Crossed The Country « Creative Bender[…]…

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