Short Story: It’s Not My Fault (Lamentations of a Clown)

It’s not my fault I am a clown. Goofy faces and slapstick came naturally to me growing up. It was easy to drop the “class” part of “class clown” after school. Though it became even easier in clown college when I was in “Clownonomics 101”. The teacher was a real stickler.

It’s not my fault kids are terrified of clowns. They run screaming from me at birthday parties. Throw peanuts at me during the circus. Cry a river when I go around at Halloween. How would you like it if your main clientele was repulsed at the sight of you? Dentists need not reply.

It’s not my fault that I can’t make ends meet. Job security is not in my line of work. See the previous paragraph. Humor is subjective and so is payment.

It’s not my fault that serial killer dressed up like a clown to kill those people. I don’t need to hear about it every time I put on my costume. I don’t need cops pulling me over and peppering me with questions every time a dead body pops up. I obey the law and resolve my problems with pies. That is, I bake pies to relax, not throw them into other people’s faces. That is a nasty stereotype.

It’s not my fault my wife left me. She ran off with Terry, the mime. Said he was a cut above me. He just shrugged at me and walked away, fighting an invisible wind gust. I just watched them pantomime out of my life, slightly amused.

It’s not my fault my shoes are too big and inconvenient to wear, especially while using public transportation. My car (it’s not a clown car!) is at the mechanic. The carburetor is broke or something. I don’t know. Those mechanics are the real clowns, I tell ya. I have to take the bus until it is fixed. So excuse my shoes and my red nose. By the way, the red nose doesn’t make a sound when you honk it so quit touching it. That’s the reason why I had to get reconstructive surgery on my nose a few years ago.

My life’s a joke and it’s not my fault.

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One Response to “Short Story: It’s Not My Fault (Lamentations of a Clown)”

  1. prettyfeetpoptoe Says:

    Brilliant.

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