Posts Tagged ‘Pun’

Humor: Once More Into The Pun Breach

March 16, 2012

I went to the bookstore the other day. There, I saw a book with a kitschy cover and an engrossing story about a dog detective. I cried out “How novel!”

My idea of a perfect girl is one who will press my clothes and get my sense of humor. I thought I had met that girl once but she said she doesn’t do irony.

Speaking of women, I ran into one at a bar recently. She was a jeweler. I gave her my number, she said she’d give me a ring.

Working as an engineer, you run into some odd people. I was in another department, talking to a friend, and this guy with numbers running up and down his arm walked into the office. Immediately people started to bow down to him. I asked my friend what was up. He said this guy did all the calculations for their projects, keeping them on track. The people liked the job so much they pushed for him to get promoted to the head of the department. That’s right, he was their ruler.

Did you hear about the new combination radio/soap dispenser? The manufacturer recommends that if you don’t like the soap presets the device comes with, you can just turn the Dial.

I like to lie on my side while napping such that I lose feeling on that side of my body. That way, I am only half-asleep.

There is a cool new circular pen on the market that also acts as a skeleton key for doors. It’s called the O-pen.

I got letters from President Clinton, former Microsoft CEO Gates, and the host of the O’Reilly Factor yesterday. I hate it when my mailbox is full of Bills.

I used to have a pet vermin, one those creatures that likes to dig underground, growing up. Unfortunately, it had leprosy. I called him “Holey Moley.”


Humor: A Brand New Post!

November 12, 2010

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Made you look!

One Liners: The Return

March 6, 2010

In case of emergency, breakdance.

First there was a unicycle, then a bicycle, then a tricycle. Where’s the tetracycle?

Note to self: cannot use toothpaste to mend a broken vase.

I once was thrown out of a movie for asking them to turn up the sound. Turns out, it was a silent movie. But it was unfair, I didn’t see them throw out the random guy playing that piano.

Andy Warhol once said everyone gets their 15 minutes of fame. However, with daylights saving, it is more like 17 minutes.

Nice guys finish last. Which means all gold medal winners are jerks.

The umbrella should have been invented before the wheel. I mean, man first discovered fire and then waited eons before he invented something to protect the fire from the rain?

I online date; the last three dates I went on were with Explorer, Firefox, and Safari.

You know birds look at planes and go “Man, that guy is lazy. He doesn’t even flap his wings!”

I would never run for President. Maybe powerwalk for the position, though.

Short Story: The Shortest Post in the World

March 5, 2010

The Shortest Post in the World is located on the corner of Main St. and Central Ave. It is made out of wood, perhaps oak or elm. It was painted white at some point, but that paint has flaked off over time. Graffiti, little written statements of people being there or being together, adorn the post. Maybe it once held a sign, which would have been the The Sign on The Shortest Post in the World, but that is unknown.

The shortest post in the world is not this post.