Archive for February, 2012

Humor: California Tidbits

February 20, 2012

Having lived in California for almost three months now I have learned a lot about the Golden State. Here are some facts I recently were educated about:

California once petitioned the government to change its timezone to be an hour ahead of the East Coast Standard time because Cali felt it should always be leading the trends.

Sacramento is an old Indian word meaning “Why is the Capitol here?”

San Francisco is actually divided into 2 areas, depending on where you are located relative to the water. If you are close by, you are in the “Bay A” area. If you are far away and complain you should be closer, you would be identified as a “Bay B.”

Public transportation is big in California. Not that anyone uses it, just as something people say they use to appear more eco-friendly.

To actually be eco-friendly, people in California ride bicycles. Bicycles are considered like cars in terms of laws and the culture. Which explains why I saw a stationary bike in the front lawn of some Californian rednecks.

There are two areas in California colloquially called “Silicone” something. There is Silicone Valley, where there is a large population of tech companies. And there are the Silicone Mountains, where there is a large population of adult film stars.

The housing crisis is huge in California. The cost to rent, let alone buy, a bush to hide in for the paparazzi has skyrocketed over the past few years.

California has two seasons: shopping and next.

The speed limit in San Francisco is “Groovy.” You can be pulled over for “harshing the vibe.”

The California Raisins are actually Mormons from Utah.

There are dozens of towns in California with the “San” prefix: San Francisco, San Jose, San Diego, San Skrit, San Debeaches, San Ity (which is a great place to declare to be In)

Napa Valley is wine country. When I don’t like the particular drink they serve there, it becomes whine country.

So many awards ceremonies take place in L.A. I have seen vendors sell Oscars right along with oranges on the street corners there.

There is a large surfer infestation in California. Officials tried to combat this by introducing the noble hippie into the environment. Unfortunately, they crossbred and we get the Valley Girl.

The final thing I learned while in California is that it promotes travel by being really big and really far away from everything else!

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Song: Happy and I Know It (Parody)

February 13, 2012

This is a parody of the LMFAO song “Sexy and I Know It”.

With my left foot in, I be shaking it like a fin
I put left foot out, hands on my hips like I am short and stout, yeah
This is how I roll, pin-the-tail donkey out of control,
It’s Birthday Boy, the big one-oh.
And like that I shake it all about

Mom, look at that my cake
Mom, look at that my cake
Mom, look at that my cake
I eat it
Mom, look at that my cake
Mom, look at that my cake
Mom, look at that my cake
I eat it

When I put right hand in, this is what I see
Everybody stops and they staring at me
It’s my birthday and all my friends are here, dancing to the tune.

I’m happy and I know it.
I’m happy and I know it.

When I’m at the school, third grade teacher just can’t fight ’em off
When I’m at the field, I’m trying to make the bullies stop and yield
This is how I live, come on sister, you gonna give?
This is how I roll, come on ladies it’s time to go
We headed to the pool, I just learned how to swim
No shoes, no wings, and I still go in.

Mom, look at that my cake
Mom, look at that my cake
Mom, look at that my cake
I eat it
Mom, look at that my cake
Mom, look at that my cake
Mom, look at that my cake
I eat it

When I put myself in, this is what I see
Everybody stops and they staring at me
It’s my birthday and all my friends are here, dancing to the tune.

I’m happy and I know it.
I’m happy and I know it.

Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, all about
Shake it, shake, shake it, shake it, all about
Shake it, shake, shake it, shake it, all about

C’mon shake it, yeah.

I’M HAPPY AND I KNOW IT!

Mom, look at that my cake
Mom, look at that my cake
Mom, look at that my cake
I eat it