I went to the bookstore the other day. There, I saw a book with a kitschy cover and an engrossing story about a dog detective. I cried out “How novel!”
My idea of a perfect girl is one who will press my clothes and get my sense of humor. I thought I had met that girl once but she said she doesn’t do irony.
Speaking of women, I ran into one at a bar recently. She was a jeweler. I gave her my number, she said she’d give me a ring.
Working as an engineer, you run into some odd people. I was in another department, talking to a friend, and this guy with numbers running up and down his arm walked into the office. Immediately people started to bow down to him. I asked my friend what was up. He said this guy did all the calculations for their projects, keeping them on track. The people liked the job so much they pushed for him to get promoted to the head of the department. That’s right, he was their ruler.
Did you hear about the new combination radio/soap dispenser? The manufacturer recommends that if you don’t like the soap presets the device comes with, you can just turn the Dial.
I like to lie on my side while napping such that I lose feeling on that side of my body. That way, I am only half-asleep.
There is a cool new circular pen on the market that also acts as a skeleton key for doors. It’s called the O-pen.
I got letters from President Clinton, former Microsoft CEO Gates, and the host of the O’Reilly Factor yesterday. I hate it when my mailbox is full of Bills.
I used to have a pet vermin, one those creatures that likes to dig underground, growing up. Unfortunately, it had leprosy. I called him “Holey Moley.”
Creative Bender 