George Carlin famously compared football to baseball and found baseball lacking. And wimpy. But allow me, dear readers, to respond to the late, great Carlin.
Baseball is a game of feet and inches. 400 feet to centerfield, that pitch was just a few inches off the plate.
Football is a game of yards. Let’s go play in the yard!
Baseball is full of thieves: he just stole second base! He robbed that hitter of a homerun!
Football has fumbles and interceptions. Oops, he let go of that ball!
Baseball is played on a diamond, the hardest material known to man.
Football is played on field. Let’s go frolic in the field!
Baseball has players that throw heaters. He just blew it past that batter!
Football has players that throw zips. He zipped it in there!
Baseball has bang-bang plays.
Football needs instant replay to see where the ball should be spotted.
Baseball has foul territory. Don’t go there, that is foul!
Football has out-of-bounds. Watch your toes!
Baseball’s championship game is played in October, the scariest month of the year.
Football’s championship is played in February, the shortest month of the year.
Baseball is full of dangerous plays: a shot up the middle, a screamer down the line, a rocket to right field.
Football has you getting stuffed at the line, a deflection, an incompletion.
Baseball’s ball can reach speeds of 100 mph.
Football’s ball can reach speeds of maybe 15 mph, tops.
Baseball’s ball has laces all over itself and you deal with it.
Football’s ball laces, if you hold the ball the wrong way, the kicker can’t kick it!
Baseball is full of vicious injuries: a rotator cuff injury or an elbow ligament tear results in Tommy John surgery.
Football has turf toe.
Baseball has a dugout where all the players sit. It is like a bomb shelter, a bunker to wage war from.
Football has a sideline, where the players mill about and get fanned.
Baseball, if the ball is being thrown at you, it is with malicious intent.
Football, if the ball is thrown at you, oooh, catch it!
Creative Bender 